We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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