I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
