$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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