I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
