she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
