its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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