Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
