I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
