I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
