dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you made out with another girl for some wings
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
