how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
