At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
