I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
