so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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