I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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