Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
