Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
be right there i have to get my cape
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
