Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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