News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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