The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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