I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
