I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
