he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
