if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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