Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
