Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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