I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
