half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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