What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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