I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
