If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I love you. Go after that dick
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