I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
