So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
