So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
