It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
