I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize