I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
