She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
