....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize