Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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