how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Congratulations! We have a period
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