I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
