Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize