The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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