just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
