I hate all girls vehemently.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
