im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
