it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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