there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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