you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
