He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
