yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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