You just made me feel so damn special
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
