when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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