the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
