I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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