I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
