The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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