Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
