It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
