Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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