I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
