I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
