Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize