I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
