I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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