dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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