Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
sarcasm needs its own font
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
