Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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