You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize