Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
