I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
