btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
