I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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