i think i have two assholes
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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