Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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