Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
